I got my new violin, the one that's going to help me practice and speed up my learning process in class. It looks and sounds great!
Just like some parents might be disappointed over getting a daughter when they expected a son, I am disappointed in the ugly greenish case it came in. But unlike those parents, I can probably get my case changed.
Class was good. Unfortunately, the teacher gives me too much attention, while two other kids sat idling and waiting for their turn. It might be because she finds it easier to teach an established student than a new student. But it is not a good feeling knowing that you are talking up time they could have spent learning something valuable.
External appearances of people can be deceiving, yet we lay alot of emphasis on it and base most of our character judgements on it.
Hmmm, what else?
I'll be going to my home country for a vacation. It's been an year since I last visited there and it's been 6 years since I left home for good. It feels like going to an unfamiliar land with strange (and mostly unacceptable) ways. Even slightly disappointing and depressing at the same time.
I'll go to a dimly lit house with much fond and not-so-fond childhood memories. My room's been given away, my cupboard is now a store for junk that my parents are not mentally prepared to throw away. My belongings have been reduced to a suitcase. Clothes don't fit anymore or are seriously out of fashion. I don't recognise my neighbourhood anymore. People stare at me like I am green or something. I find the content broadcasted in the media quite intolerable, as most are directly copied from popular TV shows in other parts of the world. Religious talks with good advice are broadcasted every day on TV and radio, several times even, but I don't see any significant improvement it has had on society while I was away. Sexually repressed men are on every corner, idling without any aim in life or sense of responsibility, preying on passers by with things ranging from insensitive remarks to harassment on public buses. Most conversations with elders conclude on the emphasis of a marriage. People talk mostly about others' affairs, gossip if you like to call it. People talk everyday for hours about topics that have no conclusions or solutions like the country's politics, cost of living or scandals that have nothing to do with them.
Having said all that, it is nice to go back to the warmth of the home that my parents have created. It is feels good to sit with them and listen to what they say. It is nice to see the joy in their aged eyes when they see us smile and talk of our accomplishments proudly. It's great to taste familiar food. It is lovely to admire the surroundings, scenery and beauty of the land that we we born on. It feels peaceful to see time slow down.
I'm actively playing Mouse Hunt on Facebook these days. Still on Recruit level. But managed to catch alot of mice today with some good mouse-hunting tips and a generous inheritance of gold :)
Arghhh the Ides of March are creeping up on me...
Friday, November 5, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Behind the smiles
It's been a cloudy day on Planet Shu.
A series of events which occurred throughout the day triggered a strong emotional response. Even the fact that year 2010 was nearing its end was enough to move me. As I step over from 2010 to an uncertain 2011, I take with me the good I worked hard to build this year and I move farther away from some of the most strongly-bound memories of my past.
I worked 2 extra hours after work. I was not mentally exhausted and in fact, I was happy to do it for the company. Today, I learnt that the training my company sent me to a few days back was a very expensive one. Right now, I am feeling so grateful for it and for the livelihood this job provides me.
Some songs accidentally catch my attention (for no particular reason) and I have no peace till I find it and listen to the tune a hundred times to get over it. This one I heard while waiting at a traffic light on my way to work:
A series of events which occurred throughout the day triggered a strong emotional response. Even the fact that year 2010 was nearing its end was enough to move me. As I step over from 2010 to an uncertain 2011, I take with me the good I worked hard to build this year and I move farther away from some of the most strongly-bound memories of my past.
I worked 2 extra hours after work. I was not mentally exhausted and in fact, I was happy to do it for the company. Today, I learnt that the training my company sent me to a few days back was a very expensive one. Right now, I am feeling so grateful for it and for the livelihood this job provides me.
Some songs accidentally catch my attention (for no particular reason) and I have no peace till I find it and listen to the tune a hundred times to get over it. This one I heard while waiting at a traffic light on my way to work:
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Loves her Engines
The radio stations are back! What a great feeling to be back driving while listening to loud music... just to recap, a few days back, an ex-ruler passed on and during the three days of national mourning, all TV and radio channels stopped broadcasting and played melancholic classical music and/or prayers ALL DAY. It drove me to near-insanity to drive on those 3 days.
And yes, referring to the title, I have newfound love for the 3.7L engine of my Jeep!! It is so powerful and she accelerates with very little effort. Not intending to sound like a brag, let me explain. Recently, I got a lift from one of my colleagues. The 2.3L car made such alot of noise (VRRRRROOOOOM) just to accelerate to 60kmph and here I thought with that sound, we must be going at 120kmph (I was wrong). Sure, the Jeep drinks alot of petrol but in my opinion, it is a small price to pay (in this country) to drive a powerful and hardy 4WD vehicle. Also when I am at the forefront of a traffic signal, and just after the light turns green, there is always a huge gap between me and all the tiny cars at the back, because the pick up is faster. Of course, after a few seconds, the rest of them catch up. Nevertheless, I have forever decided I will never own a small (cramped) car, if I had a choice in picking it.
6 students in the music class today, argh!! One hour to be divided between 6 students; some were ignored and some got more time with the teacher (I was one who got more time). Disappointing still, to see the ones who were ignored. But the positive thing is that I realised it is good to be going from the lowly basics. As I have not had any formal systematic training earlier in the type of music I play most, I have missed on many little but valuable techniques. So here's is my second chance.
In my constant search for validation and assurance, I took a "Personality Disorder Test". Surely, these are not a 100% accurate, but here are the results:
Paranoid: Low
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: High
Narcissistic: Moderate
Avoidant: Very High
Dependent: Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive: High
So we are all but a bunch of different complexes at different degrees. Gives variety to this world, innit?
On to other interesting things, I discovered today that there were 4 videos on Youtube of some of my old concerts when I used to play in an orchestra. One of them was so unclear, you can't even make out any of the faces, but the rest were good stuff. Yay, Shu, you are on the Internet performing like a little Star!!
We must try to keep in touch with people we care about. It is so hard with our schedules and geographical distances, but there is the internet and it is a cheap way to even drop a "Hi" to let them know you still think about them.
It is very important to develop good and considerate habits while we are able and young. Not because they are supposed to be good. But because, eventually you grow old and it gets harder to change less desirable habits. We have a guest at home these days and he (in his late 60's) leaves his plates and cups around for somebody to wash after him, eventhough he is perfectly capable of doing it himself and is perfectly aware there are no domestic workers paid to do that job in the house. Little does he realise that people around him resent his selfish ways and even something as small as this can make people love him less and not want to look after him when he is older.
Shu is off on a grocery shopping errand... work tomorrow too *sigh*....
And yes, referring to the title, I have newfound love for the 3.7L engine of my Jeep!! It is so powerful and she accelerates with very little effort. Not intending to sound like a brag, let me explain. Recently, I got a lift from one of my colleagues. The 2.3L car made such alot of noise (VRRRRROOOOOM) just to accelerate to 60kmph and here I thought with that sound, we must be going at 120kmph (I was wrong). Sure, the Jeep drinks alot of petrol but in my opinion, it is a small price to pay (in this country) to drive a powerful and hardy 4WD vehicle. Also when I am at the forefront of a traffic signal, and just after the light turns green, there is always a huge gap between me and all the tiny cars at the back, because the pick up is faster. Of course, after a few seconds, the rest of them catch up. Nevertheless, I have forever decided I will never own a small (cramped) car, if I had a choice in picking it.
6 students in the music class today, argh!! One hour to be divided between 6 students; some were ignored and some got more time with the teacher (I was one who got more time). Disappointing still, to see the ones who were ignored. But the positive thing is that I realised it is good to be going from the lowly basics. As I have not had any formal systematic training earlier in the type of music I play most, I have missed on many little but valuable techniques. So here's is my second chance.
In my constant search for validation and assurance, I took a "Personality Disorder Test". Surely, these are not a 100% accurate, but here are the results:
Paranoid: Low
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: High
Narcissistic: Moderate
Avoidant: Very High
Dependent: Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive: High
So we are all but a bunch of different complexes at different degrees. Gives variety to this world, innit?
On to other interesting things, I discovered today that there were 4 videos on Youtube of some of my old concerts when I used to play in an orchestra. One of them was so unclear, you can't even make out any of the faces, but the rest were good stuff. Yay, Shu, you are on the Internet performing like a little Star!!
We must try to keep in touch with people we care about. It is so hard with our schedules and geographical distances, but there is the internet and it is a cheap way to even drop a "Hi" to let them know you still think about them.
It is very important to develop good and considerate habits while we are able and young. Not because they are supposed to be good. But because, eventually you grow old and it gets harder to change less desirable habits. We have a guest at home these days and he (in his late 60's) leaves his plates and cups around for somebody to wash after him, eventhough he is perfectly capable of doing it himself and is perfectly aware there are no domestic workers paid to do that job in the house. Little does he realise that people around him resent his selfish ways and even something as small as this can make people love him less and not want to look after him when he is older.
Shu is off on a grocery shopping errand... work tomorrow too *sigh*....
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Guitars and Horses
I witnessed a road accident today. My heart goes out to all people who ride motorcycles (and their families) – mostly dispatch/ delivery personnel on highways – any road accident for them is almost always fatal. If I had any say in this, I would bring in more safety regulations for these cyclists and ban their use on high-speed highways altogether.
I confidently watch TV programs/ movies involving casualties, blood and surgery without anything as much as a flinch. I even confidently took up a First Aid course thinking that this desensitization would make me competent in such a role. However, today, witnessing and driving past a real casualty lying on the side of the road made me realize that I might be one of the first people to panic and flee such a reality.
I learnt something interesting today while attending a training. The actual course content was very technical, however this particular phrase stuck with me. People don't actually resist (external) change, contrary to popular belief. They just resist being changed. So involving people in making change would be the most effective way to go around this.
Today, I met a female helicopter pilot (one of the students on training), who also happens to be a mother/wife/ex-military officer. DAMN, some guts that is. I've placed her high on my list of real life heros! Not very often I meet such admirable and courageous characters, who pass my quality standards.
My family is getting used to accommodating my academic aspirations. Only recently I started frequenting the public library to get quality study time, free from disturbances (of children and chaos) and distractions (of my netbook, the internet and movies/ tv series). As this leaves one person less for handling certain family chores, it is somewhat difficult on my sister. Hence, we need to meet halfway.
The public library, I noticed is a popular hangout for local youngsters. Its attractiveness lies in the lack of supervision from strict and conformist parents. This is one place both girls and boys can mingle (in carparks without street lights!) under the guise of serious study. Ah, teenage romance! Little do most of these kids know of the potential dangers and heartbreaks that follow such wayward affairs with strangers.
Today, a key political figure passed away. As a nation in mourning, all radio and TV stations stopped broadcasting their usual programs and replaced it with prayers. For me, listening to radio while driving has become a great joy and addiction. This left me in a very uncomfortable and irritated state. So I was forced to listen to a CD containing very old songs from my country (Clarence W.), and it took me down a long winded memory lane.
I feel my confidence growing as I participate in company sponsored trainings and undertake new responsibilities at work. In the past 9 months alone, I have learnt and progressed a lot professionally, compared to the cumulative work done for 2 years at my previous job. Thinking back, this year has been one of much radical change from my previous life. It almost feels as if I was freed from the dark clutches of an evil monster (and by monster, I do not mean any individual person).
The decision to relocate last year was a hasty and emotional one. However, I think it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. I am happy and satisfied about the way things turned out. I even go as far as commending myself for deciding and ending my then relationship. I do not have 100% closure on it, and at times, I still look over my shoulder longingly at the familiarity of the past. However, I would not have gotten through this extremely difficult phase in life, if not for the supportive people around me.
I also realise that blog therapy works on my character like magic! I am opening up on things I usually do not and I don't feel as self conscious. Usually, my every thought, sentence and action triggers an automatic internal “OMGwonderwhatshe/hethought/willthinkofthat” response. I have also begun to feel comfortable of the fact that I'm just like everyone else when it comes to facing trials and tribulations of life and that my problems are neither special nor am I invincible.
I'm off for the night.
I confidently watch TV programs/ movies involving casualties, blood and surgery without anything as much as a flinch. I even confidently took up a First Aid course thinking that this desensitization would make me competent in such a role. However, today, witnessing and driving past a real casualty lying on the side of the road made me realize that I might be one of the first people to panic and flee such a reality.
I learnt something interesting today while attending a training. The actual course content was very technical, however this particular phrase stuck with me. People don't actually resist (external) change, contrary to popular belief. They just resist being changed. So involving people in making change would be the most effective way to go around this.
Today, I met a female helicopter pilot (one of the students on training), who also happens to be a mother/wife/ex-military officer. DAMN, some guts that is. I've placed her high on my list of real life heros! Not very often I meet such admirable and courageous characters, who pass my quality standards.
My family is getting used to accommodating my academic aspirations. Only recently I started frequenting the public library to get quality study time, free from disturbances (of children and chaos) and distractions (of my netbook, the internet and movies/ tv series). As this leaves one person less for handling certain family chores, it is somewhat difficult on my sister. Hence, we need to meet halfway.
The public library, I noticed is a popular hangout for local youngsters. Its attractiveness lies in the lack of supervision from strict and conformist parents. This is one place both girls and boys can mingle (in carparks without street lights!) under the guise of serious study. Ah, teenage romance! Little do most of these kids know of the potential dangers and heartbreaks that follow such wayward affairs with strangers.
Today, a key political figure passed away. As a nation in mourning, all radio and TV stations stopped broadcasting their usual programs and replaced it with prayers. For me, listening to radio while driving has become a great joy and addiction. This left me in a very uncomfortable and irritated state. So I was forced to listen to a CD containing very old songs from my country (Clarence W.), and it took me down a long winded memory lane.
I feel my confidence growing as I participate in company sponsored trainings and undertake new responsibilities at work. In the past 9 months alone, I have learnt and progressed a lot professionally, compared to the cumulative work done for 2 years at my previous job. Thinking back, this year has been one of much radical change from my previous life. It almost feels as if I was freed from the dark clutches of an evil monster (and by monster, I do not mean any individual person).
The decision to relocate last year was a hasty and emotional one. However, I think it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. I am happy and satisfied about the way things turned out. I even go as far as commending myself for deciding and ending my then relationship. I do not have 100% closure on it, and at times, I still look over my shoulder longingly at the familiarity of the past. However, I would not have gotten through this extremely difficult phase in life, if not for the supportive people around me.
I also realise that blog therapy works on my character like magic! I am opening up on things I usually do not and I don't feel as self conscious. Usually, my every thought, sentence and action triggers an automatic internal “OMGwonderwhatshe/hethought/willthinkofthat” response. I have also begun to feel comfortable of the fact that I'm just like everyone else when it comes to facing trials and tribulations of life and that my problems are neither special nor am I invincible.
I'm off for the night.
Monday, October 25, 2010
To my parents, with love
There is no better day to talk of the importance of loving our parents.
I came home after a long day of work and study, to a noisy and chaotic house with a child throwing tantrums. I knew with my exhaustion and hunger, I would have attacked the child. So I locked myself up in my room for 20 minutes to breathe before I went over to participate in the family obligations, even then, I didnt talk for the next 30 minutes. But what amazed me was the patience with which his mother tolerated this hungry/sleepy monster, eventhough everyone around was losing their patience while she herself was tired, sick and multi-tasking household chores. This is just a fraction of an example of how much patience and sacrifice our parents would have gone through for years before we were able to stand on our feet.
Although this bond between parents and children is primarily an evolutionary trait to ensure survival of the species, one can't help but feel guilt over not being able to repay the kindness they showed us when we were young, and still continue to do.
Every culture, every religion places filial piety - respect and love for parents - above most.
The Chinese culture alone states the following ideals:
It is never easy to listen to their every whim and fancy, specially when they appear stubborn, unreasonable and illogical. But I try.
They are no longer the strong willed, authoritarian and confident individuals I used to remember. Now, they are old, feeble, queer, unpredictable, child-like and with poor memory. And we children of the 21st century, have ventured far out from the grasps of our parents to look for better opportunities and bask in the freedom of making our own choices. Now, I meet them only once or twice per year. They are in our thoughts very often, and we worry alot when they are sick or troubled, but there is not much we can do being so far away. I know they yearn to see day they can live near their children, but that's very unlikely. We have our own lives, own lifestyles, own obligations that we can't give up easily to go and be with them. We send them cash to make up not being able to be with them and take care of them personally. And we tell ourselves we are doing our best.
When they are gone, their legacy will be glorified. We will have countless fond memories and things to be thankful for. There will even be some regrets to haunt us for the rest of our lives. And if ever we have children of our own, we will appreciate our parents even more as we experience the challenges of parenting. Such is the circle of Life.
Incidentally, my grandfather turned 100 today.
I came home after a long day of work and study, to a noisy and chaotic house with a child throwing tantrums. I knew with my exhaustion and hunger, I would have attacked the child. So I locked myself up in my room for 20 minutes to breathe before I went over to participate in the family obligations, even then, I didnt talk for the next 30 minutes. But what amazed me was the patience with which his mother tolerated this hungry/sleepy monster, eventhough everyone around was losing their patience while she herself was tired, sick and multi-tasking household chores. This is just a fraction of an example of how much patience and sacrifice our parents would have gone through for years before we were able to stand on our feet.
Although this bond between parents and children is primarily an evolutionary trait to ensure survival of the species, one can't help but feel guilt over not being able to repay the kindness they showed us when we were young, and still continue to do.
Every culture, every religion places filial piety - respect and love for parents - above most.
The Chinese culture alone states the following ideals:
- Being good to one's parents; not being rebellious, showing love, respect & support
- Taking care of one's parents
- Engaging in good conduct outside the home so as to bring a good name to one's parents
- Performing the duties of one's job well so as to obtain the material means to support parents
- Dissuading them from moral unrighteousness
- Carry out certain rites in their name, after their death
It is never easy to listen to their every whim and fancy, specially when they appear stubborn, unreasonable and illogical. But I try.
They are no longer the strong willed, authoritarian and confident individuals I used to remember. Now, they are old, feeble, queer, unpredictable, child-like and with poor memory. And we children of the 21st century, have ventured far out from the grasps of our parents to look for better opportunities and bask in the freedom of making our own choices. Now, I meet them only once or twice per year. They are in our thoughts very often, and we worry alot when they are sick or troubled, but there is not much we can do being so far away. I know they yearn to see day they can live near their children, but that's very unlikely. We have our own lives, own lifestyles, own obligations that we can't give up easily to go and be with them. We send them cash to make up not being able to be with them and take care of them personally. And we tell ourselves we are doing our best.
When they are gone, their legacy will be glorified. We will have countless fond memories and things to be thankful for. There will even be some regrets to haunt us for the rest of our lives. And if ever we have children of our own, we will appreciate our parents even more as we experience the challenges of parenting. Such is the circle of Life.
Incidentally, my grandfather turned 100 today.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Mass Cultural Delusions
This year for me has been all about stepping out of comfort zones, getting to know me for all that I am (whom I lost contact with years ago), building self esteem and re-evaluating my principles.
What began as a nice evening yesterday, ended up chaotic today. Meeting friends after a long time is great and watching a feel-good movie and having coffee over alot of chit chat was great too! Feeling like we could spend more time together, we decided to go ''out'' - meaning, the social phenomenon of drinking alcohol/ dancing in dimly lit bars/ clubs filled with strangers of sorts, lots of passive smoke and loud music. It follows logic that you can't bear up such inconveniences if you are not having a decent amout of alcohol in your system to cloud your judgement. But later on that...
"Eat Pray Love" the movie did not measure up to the book. Not surprising, it's impossible to put in so much detail into a movie of 2 hours. I enjoyed it more as I knew the little background stories within the story but someone new would not have appreciated it as much. It was amazing to see scenes from Italy, India and Indonesia bring life to the story which I had just read weeks ago.
I look forward to my weekends with much enthusiasm because of my music classes. I am currently the second oldest in a class of five. The oldest student is away on a vacation. So now, with more than double the years of experience and wisdom of my fellow classmates, I rule! My peers are 3 kids seemingly of ages 12, 10 and 6. Two of them are new recruits. The boy (I'm assuming he is about 10 years) who joined today clearly frequents Macdonalds for french fries and burgers, AND the fellow kept staring at the low-cut neckline of my T-shirt (yeah, bad choice of clothes - but really it's not something I would have thought of as I woke up at wee hours on a weekend to catch a taxi to class), till the uncomfortableness made me change seats. Can you believe kids these days? With the internet and other forms of media, kids wonder early about where babies come from. The girl who joined last week (she is seems around 6 years of age) rattled my core of existence with her matter-of-fact attitude and confidence as she proudly professed she knew 4 languages. Even her mannerisms in tackling the unknown were filled with so much confidence, it was humbling. Here was a nascent specimen, which had not gone through any adverse reactions in life and yet, with a property that most of us aspire to reach many years later. Life is full of lessons, even in the least expected of corners.
Honestly speaking, it is not the ideal situation of a class I imagined. However, I find the classes getting more challenging for me and I am so thankful that I found a class with a teacher who agreed to teach me. I even got the honorary title of ''Teacher's Best Student" from all her current students across two institutions, not rightly deserving of course (given my history), still it felt good to get that push of encouragement. And I accepted it with much modesty. I also made an interesting discovery this week! When playing sequences of notes at very high speeds, where there is little or no time to think, my brain and fingers automatically switch to my right-handed mode. And it is daunting because I want to understand and play well, but my body just does not coorperate and I automatically play the wires on the right side, when I should be playing the ones on my left side. It is very challenging to unlearn and relearn skills like that which took years to establish.
After class, my mission was to take public transport to go and collect my Jeep from a friend's place, where I had to leave it as I had a few cubic millilitres of alcohol in my system which made me unfit to drive back home last night (here, driving under influence of any alcohol is heavily penalised). In asking around for directions for bus routes, I made friends with a lady at the bus stop. She was quite friendly and helpful and I sat with her all the way till she got down, which was a few stops before my stop. From our conversation and facts gathered, I deduced she was involved in providing certain services to men. There is a possibility that I am wrong about her. In any case, she gave me some genuine advice, saying I need to be strong to survive in this country and that people can't be trusted and that I need to make noise when I see or experience injustice. I figure she took one look at me and realised I needed that bit of advice!
So after bus ride, a train ride, a considerable bit of walking in the mid day sun and loads of swearing at last night's few cubic millilitres of beverage, I was finally reunited my chariot. What an emotional moment it was!
My stance on alcohol?
For one thing, it truly tastes like crap.
The earliest recollections were from my curiosity phase (aged 11-13), when I have sampled several types of alcoholic drinks from my father's collection. But after that, a certain "no-alcohol" commandment in my religion gave me reason to strictly stay away from it and refuse it for the next decade.
What began as a nice evening yesterday, ended up chaotic today. Meeting friends after a long time is great and watching a feel-good movie and having coffee over alot of chit chat was great too! Feeling like we could spend more time together, we decided to go ''out'' - meaning, the social phenomenon of drinking alcohol/ dancing in dimly lit bars/ clubs filled with strangers of sorts, lots of passive smoke and loud music. It follows logic that you can't bear up such inconveniences if you are not having a decent amout of alcohol in your system to cloud your judgement. But later on that...
"Eat Pray Love" the movie did not measure up to the book. Not surprising, it's impossible to put in so much detail into a movie of 2 hours. I enjoyed it more as I knew the little background stories within the story but someone new would not have appreciated it as much. It was amazing to see scenes from Italy, India and Indonesia bring life to the story which I had just read weeks ago.
I look forward to my weekends with much enthusiasm because of my music classes. I am currently the second oldest in a class of five. The oldest student is away on a vacation. So now, with more than double the years of experience and wisdom of my fellow classmates, I rule! My peers are 3 kids seemingly of ages 12, 10 and 6. Two of them are new recruits. The boy (I'm assuming he is about 10 years) who joined today clearly frequents Macdonalds for french fries and burgers, AND the fellow kept staring at the low-cut neckline of my T-shirt (yeah, bad choice of clothes - but really it's not something I would have thought of as I woke up at wee hours on a weekend to catch a taxi to class), till the uncomfortableness made me change seats. Can you believe kids these days? With the internet and other forms of media, kids wonder early about where babies come from. The girl who joined last week (she is seems around 6 years of age) rattled my core of existence with her matter-of-fact attitude and confidence as she proudly professed she knew 4 languages. Even her mannerisms in tackling the unknown were filled with so much confidence, it was humbling. Here was a nascent specimen, which had not gone through any adverse reactions in life and yet, with a property that most of us aspire to reach many years later. Life is full of lessons, even in the least expected of corners.
Honestly speaking, it is not the ideal situation of a class I imagined. However, I find the classes getting more challenging for me and I am so thankful that I found a class with a teacher who agreed to teach me. I even got the honorary title of ''Teacher's Best Student" from all her current students across two institutions, not rightly deserving of course (given my history), still it felt good to get that push of encouragement. And I accepted it with much modesty. I also made an interesting discovery this week! When playing sequences of notes at very high speeds, where there is little or no time to think, my brain and fingers automatically switch to my right-handed mode. And it is daunting because I want to understand and play well, but my body just does not coorperate and I automatically play the wires on the right side, when I should be playing the ones on my left side. It is very challenging to unlearn and relearn skills like that which took years to establish.
After class, my mission was to take public transport to go and collect my Jeep from a friend's place, where I had to leave it as I had a few cubic millilitres of alcohol in my system which made me unfit to drive back home last night (here, driving under influence of any alcohol is heavily penalised). In asking around for directions for bus routes, I made friends with a lady at the bus stop. She was quite friendly and helpful and I sat with her all the way till she got down, which was a few stops before my stop. From our conversation and facts gathered, I deduced she was involved in providing certain services to men. There is a possibility that I am wrong about her. In any case, she gave me some genuine advice, saying I need to be strong to survive in this country and that people can't be trusted and that I need to make noise when I see or experience injustice. I figure she took one look at me and realised I needed that bit of advice!
So after bus ride, a train ride, a considerable bit of walking in the mid day sun and loads of swearing at last night's few cubic millilitres of beverage, I was finally reunited my chariot. What an emotional moment it was!
My stance on alcohol?
For one thing, it truly tastes like crap.
The earliest recollections were from my curiosity phase (aged 11-13), when I have sampled several types of alcoholic drinks from my father's collection. But after that, a certain "no-alcohol" commandment in my religion gave me reason to strictly stay away from it and refuse it for the next decade.
For another thing, the after-effects are not rosy.
Ranging from hangovers the following day to valuable hours lost to the chaos it creates in one's routine, it is a deal breaker to me.
However, it is not easy to avoid participating in this mass cultural delusion when in certain social situations that require loosening up (to make conversations), becoming less self conscious (to dance) and being numb to certain realities (like overcrowded places, people smoking in your face or shallow acquaintances). There is also a degree of tolerance and levelling up that is required when associating with friends from different cultural backgrounds. Occasionally, if a person refuses a drink, it will lead to gasps by the rest of the group followed by various questions on why that person does not drink and frequent reminders like "ARE YOU SURE you dont want a drink?" or "but WHY?" or "c'mon please have ONE" or "JUST for today", that can easily trigger one to go on a shooting spree. Resistance when being a part of such situations is difficult.
I've come to believe that one can't find one's perfect bearings on balance without the valuable lessons learnt while losing one's balance. This is a principle being re-evaluated. As for me, I no longer have an issue with taking moderate quantities of alcohol while in the certain social situations. But given a choice, I prefer to stay sober and conscious of my actual thoughts, words, and deeds.
Ranging from hangovers the following day to valuable hours lost to the chaos it creates in one's routine, it is a deal breaker to me.
However, it is not easy to avoid participating in this mass cultural delusion when in certain social situations that require loosening up (to make conversations), becoming less self conscious (to dance) and being numb to certain realities (like overcrowded places, people smoking in your face or shallow acquaintances). There is also a degree of tolerance and levelling up that is required when associating with friends from different cultural backgrounds. Occasionally, if a person refuses a drink, it will lead to gasps by the rest of the group followed by various questions on why that person does not drink and frequent reminders like "ARE YOU SURE you dont want a drink?" or "but WHY?" or "c'mon please have ONE" or "JUST for today", that can easily trigger one to go on a shooting spree. Resistance when being a part of such situations is difficult.
I've come to believe that one can't find one's perfect bearings on balance without the valuable lessons learnt while losing one's balance. This is a principle being re-evaluated. As for me, I no longer have an issue with taking moderate quantities of alcohol while in the certain social situations. But given a choice, I prefer to stay sober and conscious of my actual thoughts, words, and deeds.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Shu's Miniature Universe
A much better day....
Seriously, I believe that half the World's problems can be solved by a mere 8 hours of daily sleep, if everyone made an effort. Think about it.
Borrowed a book from the public library; something about a guy with a defective urine tract. BORINGGGG. Male authors seem to struggle with writing books involving "softer" emotions.
I have made a resolution not to talk of things I *plan* to do, instead I'll blog about it after I actually do it or initiate it.
As I type, I hear my mother asking prying questions from my sister (via Skype) about my whereabouts and the use of my newfound driving freedom. Can you believe Asian parents?! I'm way past the legal age for drinking and roaming the streets at ungodly hours, and yet, they don't get it.
Another weekend, yay, a small peak on Life's curve!
5 more days to financial freedom. The few days before pay day are the worst, living on scraps and scratching bottoms for pennies (of course, I am exaggerating a little).
Opening up to colleagues about personal things *may* come to bite you in the back. I opened up on a couple of things today, now I'm waiting for a potential bite.
Hanging out with some great friends tomorrow over a movie and coffee. Note: I have 4 types of friends - "friends", "good friends", "great friends" and "0 to100 friends", in order of increasing fondness and comfortableness while being with them.
I'm afraid of my boss! Otherwise, there is no sensible explanation for the squeaky voice and muffled words that come out when I try to talk to him. Need to figure which part of him intimidates me: his title, his social status, his intelligence, his confidence, his questions, his giant-like physique or simply his heavy footsteps.
Junior is getting better and better with his grammar each day and expressing his emotions appropriately. Today, he just swore at the "SHUCKING" door - he can't pronounce "F" yet, Thank God.
But seriously, NO, I don't believe in an omnipotent CEO God, running Universe Incorporated Pte Ltd. So what? It's just my opinion. Perhaps I'll reason out on this another time...
Reading and trying to understand academic material now is like doing the gold foil experiment. 1 in 8000 facts just bounce off the head, and the rest pass through and out of the head, concluding how much my brain has shrunk to a tiny concentrated mass over the past 3 years.
I wonder, do pets feel abandonment in the same way we do? Probably not. The abandoned cat in the car park now seems mentally stronger, she doesnt even ask to be loved and showered with attention like on the first few days. She is content to just have a meal, any meal..
I am an internet addict. I rush home to cling to my mental crutch - The Netbook - while dreading any real life activities and possibly avoiding any human contact that requires patience and effort. I barely do 5 things worthwhile on the computer. This explains the increased blogging activity lately.
Marriage? I think not. Let's face it, I wont meet that perfect guy I imagined with the many attractive and customised options, unless a prototype escaped from an advanced robotics lab, lost his way and got run over by my Jeep as I was speeding on a highway.
Superstitious I am, on nano level. I may not go hysterical over black cats, empty buckets, crossing stairways and howling dogs like my elders' generations. But superstition does work in my mind when it comes to results-driven events like exams and interviews, even though it can't be explained with any logic.
Enough rambling, I'm off to get the blessed 8 hours of sleep I am built to work with, for optimal performance.
Seriously, I believe that half the World's problems can be solved by a mere 8 hours of daily sleep, if everyone made an effort. Think about it.
Borrowed a book from the public library; something about a guy with a defective urine tract. BORINGGGG. Male authors seem to struggle with writing books involving "softer" emotions.
I have made a resolution not to talk of things I *plan* to do, instead I'll blog about it after I actually do it or initiate it.
As I type, I hear my mother asking prying questions from my sister (via Skype) about my whereabouts and the use of my newfound driving freedom. Can you believe Asian parents?! I'm way past the legal age for drinking and roaming the streets at ungodly hours, and yet, they don't get it.
Another weekend, yay, a small peak on Life's curve!
5 more days to financial freedom. The few days before pay day are the worst, living on scraps and scratching bottoms for pennies (of course, I am exaggerating a little).
Opening up to colleagues about personal things *may* come to bite you in the back. I opened up on a couple of things today, now I'm waiting for a potential bite.
Hanging out with some great friends tomorrow over a movie and coffee. Note: I have 4 types of friends - "friends", "good friends", "great friends" and "0 to100 friends", in order of increasing fondness and comfortableness while being with them.
I'm afraid of my boss! Otherwise, there is no sensible explanation for the squeaky voice and muffled words that come out when I try to talk to him. Need to figure which part of him intimidates me: his title, his social status, his intelligence, his confidence, his questions, his giant-like physique or simply his heavy footsteps.
Junior is getting better and better with his grammar each day and expressing his emotions appropriately. Today, he just swore at the "SHUCKING" door - he can't pronounce "F" yet, Thank God.
But seriously, NO, I don't believe in an omnipotent CEO God, running Universe Incorporated Pte Ltd. So what? It's just my opinion. Perhaps I'll reason out on this another time...
Reading and trying to understand academic material now is like doing the gold foil experiment. 1 in 8000 facts just bounce off the head, and the rest pass through and out of the head, concluding how much my brain has shrunk to a tiny concentrated mass over the past 3 years.
I wonder, do pets feel abandonment in the same way we do? Probably not. The abandoned cat in the car park now seems mentally stronger, she doesnt even ask to be loved and showered with attention like on the first few days. She is content to just have a meal, any meal..
I am an internet addict. I rush home to cling to my mental crutch - The Netbook - while dreading any real life activities and possibly avoiding any human contact that requires patience and effort. I barely do 5 things worthwhile on the computer. This explains the increased blogging activity lately.
Marriage? I think not. Let's face it, I wont meet that perfect guy I imagined with the many attractive and customised options, unless a prototype escaped from an advanced robotics lab, lost his way and got run over by my Jeep as I was speeding on a highway.
Superstitious I am, on nano level. I may not go hysterical over black cats, empty buckets, crossing stairways and howling dogs like my elders' generations. But superstition does work in my mind when it comes to results-driven events like exams and interviews, even though it can't be explained with any logic.
Enough rambling, I'm off to get the blessed 8 hours of sleep I am built to work with, for optimal performance.
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