Survivor: Homeland

Midway into her vacation, she is neither looking forward to the rest of it nor starting work after the end of it! Shu always wants the impossible.

She's rarely been home and in the past few days as she went on a couple of trips, had a few get-togethers and met close people. Other times at home, she was busy being pissed off at her mother's irrational, long-winded, emotional and illogical dramas. Her family is so dysfunctional in terms of communication, like many other families.

Class reunions are happy events with lots of laughter. She met a few old buddies from school after many years. Unlike when forming new relationships, she finds it easier to re-bond with old friends in a matter of minutes and reminisce on past stories and current gossip.

Shu has once again gained superior status over leeches, after bravely removing over 10 leeches from her feet on her own! Man, they are persuasive! Leeches are nowhere as bad as cockroaches anyway. Now she wonders what kind of idiot would give a creature a name like COCK-ROACH.

Shu initially thought she is The definition of anti-social. Maybe she was wrong. She loves chatting and keeping in touch with people she calls close. Now why does she deliberately not let people get close to her too easily? Afterall, she deals with superficial relationships that require alot of effort on her part on a regular basis. I think she stalls time, until she gets to observe, do her own tests and make conclusions on whether people can be trusted with the knowledge of her vulnerabilities.

Shu worries about her future. She is not usually the type to compare and feel bad, but a lot of people she knows, know by now what they they want to do/ not want to do, where they want to head in life, etc. She is still clueless and afraid to make any sudden moves that might have dire consequences. She feels at ease in being in an environment that requires her effort to make things right, spot irregularities and reduce chaos. But she longs for being part of an environment that would use her strengths for a Noble cause.

No doubt, she began life on one of the most beautiful locations on Earth! These are indeed some of nature's most amazing creations.

Home Sweet Home

I'm back home for a holiday, after one long year. I was dreading the days that led to this holiday, simply because I've become so unfamiliar with this land I grew up and I have, unfortunately, come to resent many of its ways.

After an uneventful flight (meaning one with no food, tv or troublesome strangers) I landed. It is always such a relief when you feel the wheels of the plane hit the ground. My first impressions were very much different from what Russel Peters described in his trip to India. MY sophisticated ass turned local so fast, it's like I never missed 7 years in this country at all. Everything seemed so normal and familiar. My 3-hour drive back home - seeing the green rice fields, the stray cows and dogs, the people who work too hard to support their families, the pollution, the chaotic traffic conditions - was all it took to feel like I belonged here again.

Another thing took me by surprise. As I was driven home by my dad and asked many times if I needed to eat this or drink that on the way, I realised it's nice to be taken care of for a change. I had really forgotten that feeling. I am always on a "got to fight my own battles" mode which makes it nearly impossible for me to let go and let anyone to get close or try to help.

My parents are so sweet, specially my dad. They are so thrilled to have us and they love spending time with junior. He is winning hearts wherever he goes. And he is getting to experience so many new things here which he usually doesnt get to feel in his metropolitan home.

The rest of the days are going to be busy. A lot of relatives and old friends to meet, a lot of places to go, a lot of things to do. And if I learn to live through the bad internet connection, the dust and exhaust fumes, the mad road rules or rather the lack of them, the multitude of pests (cockroaches, leeches, ants, mosquitos and flies) and not forgeting, THE STARES, I'll be fine!

I wonder if my Jeep and violin miss me...haha...

The Hypocritic Oath

Today, I had to go see a doctor during my 1-hour lunch break. I was late for my appointment by 20 minutes.

When I got there, there were no other patients. I sat outside the doctor's room, waiting and waiting. A nurse accidently left the door to the doctor's office open and I saw, to my horror, that the doctor was having a chat with another doctor friend of hers as I waited impatiently! Hungry, sick people, trying to do their personal errands during lunch break are rarely patient and understanding. Strike One. Then maybe her friend saw my glare, she left. I was called in and the doctor had the most cold and unfriendly attitude. She barely looked me in the face and while talking to a nurse outside, she said "SIT". It was hard to tell if she was talking to me or someone else, but it had to be me. It got worse, as she did her examinations on me (for my flu symptoms), she left the door wide open, so everyone walking by the corridor could see. Crazy ***** I thought. Strike Two. Then I answered her truthfully explaining I had blocked sinuses, severe headache, cough, runny nose, no sore throat and no fever. And she prescribed me with panadol, strepsils and one antihistamine. Dammit woman, if panadol and strepsils worked, I would not have paid such an exhorbitant consultation fee and come to see you in the first place. Strike Three.

I was angry at that doctor for most part of the day, for her "couldn't care less" attitude. I felt doctors had an obligation to be more sympathetic towards patients. I also thought, hey even *I* could do a better job than her in terms of being concerned for a patient. I even typed a "The world can do a lot better if there were a few extra doctors who gave a shit" status on Facebook, but something hit me just before I hit the "Share" button.

These were also humans, just like us. Subject to many moods, probably worrying about other issues. Not every doctor can be expected to be selfless and at the community's disposal like that. I for one, can't quite fuss over not being treated the way I would have liked. For them to tend to patients and be concerned/ pretend to be concerned can't be that easy, especially with long shifts and many patient appointments throughout the day. Imagine the number of times a day we complain over our jobs, why can't they have the same feelings about their job? Personality tests are not a pre-requisite for medical students so not everyone who tops the class and has the finances to do a medical degree are inclined towards such a demanding and selfless profession.

So if one day you met a doctor who made you smile through your pain and made you feel better almost instantly, know that you just met a noble soul.

Tick-Tock

Nowadays, 24 hours is simply NOT enough to squeeze in 6 hours of sleep (let alone 8 hours) AND do my other "important" things. To make up for this shortage of time, I give up (gladly) on tending to my families and friends, I give up on a few precious hours of sleep, I give up (gladly) on studies, I give up on eating proper food, I give up on thinking of ways to climb upwards in this life, I give up on a healthy & balanced lifestyle and I give up on invaluable ME-time.

Nevertheless, in 2 days time, I shall travel to my Home, where 24 hours is WAY too much time. Back to simpler times. A place where nothing seems to have changed since I left in 2004, a place where birds chirp in the morning, a place where the wind blows and the rustle of leaves follow shortly after, a place where all resources must be used in moderation, a place where patience is not just a virtue, but a survival skill.

The Birthday Party

This weekend is all about making my nephew's 3rd birthday party a success!

I am his only super-cool aunt so it is my pleasure to do all I can to make this one memorable. Plus, living with him in the past one year, I've come to somewhat like him, and as naughty and impossible as he is sometimes, he is a good kid (as opposed to an evil, wicked and cunning kid). We have a special relationship. I don't spoil him or tolerate his tantrums. I don't even play with him too much. He is not clingy towards me. He does not act spoilt when I am around. He likes to hang out with me to do things like going for a drive in the Jeep, holding my hand when he is crossing a road, doing laundry or playing the violin with me.

His mother, has been planning and preparing for this party for MONTHS. For the most part, I've ignored her plans in the early months since I knew these plans were subject to many changes (and yes, the final plan for tomorrow is very much different from the initial ideas). But she's a star, and she's got everything perfected, mapped, listed and under-control (and I stress, under CONTROL!!).

I am usually family-friendly on weekends. On weekdays, I am self-centered, bitter and anti-human. So today, I've been able to put in alot of manpower to clean, cut and chop ingredients for the many delicious dishes and desserts that will be prepared, under the supervision of the Head Chef, my sis. I have no issues with working as directed by her since she cooks REALLY WELL, and for siblings, we do get on quite well. We find a near-perfect equilibrium as she likes to be bossy and mother-like and I like to be showered with attention, spoilt and treated like a child (yes, I know that does not sound normal). Also this year, I am more useful in being the chauffeur and errand-runner. In previous years, my sis had to literally run the whole show, in addition to being the only driver in the house. I think our mom did a good job in raising us to be independent.

So tomorrow is the big day. Venue to be decorated, signages to be hung, food, cake and helium balloons to be collected, photos to be taken, ushering to be done, kids to be entertained, certain guests to be dropped after the party, cleaning up, going to work the next morning .... brrrr.... it's going to be F.U.N.

An ideal world

I reach out to that curious-looking white door. I hesitate. I turn its shiny, golden knob and take a peek. Suddenly, I'm blinded by a bright, overwhelming stream of fear mixed with despair and uncertainty. I shut the door quickly and walk away. Not now.

I would like to see the world in absolute terms to make things seem simpler. No ambiguities. I would like the world to have one standard that applies to all. No double standards. I would like to have transparency in human interactions. No deceit. I would like to have universal rules which are followed precisely. No chaos. I would like to have clear, logical explanations to life's occurances. No doubts. I would like to have an established, tried-and-tested guide to reach any destination. No risks.

I would like to know all there is to know and be certain about what needs to be done.

Yes, if only..

Let's burn this place down

The last month of 2010! Didn't realise how fast this year flew by.

Haven't really blogged lately, not for lack of ideas, but more for lack of motivation.

Food and Sleep are like a religion to Shu. I surprise myself at how angry, violent and irrational I can get when I am food-deprived or sleep-deprived. On the topic of annoying things, I also get super angry at people who keep me waiting and people who give false promises that they can't deliver. Let's analyse. Regarding the sense of punctuality, it is understandable that sometimes people get late due to unforeseen circumstances, so I can live with isolated cases like that. What really gets me though are selfish people who DONT realise the value of another's time and get late ALL the time, like nothing's wrong with that. They don't even FEEL bad about it and that's twisted. About people over-promising and under-delivering, there is an idiot who has talked about giving me an entire season of Big Bang Theory for many months now. (Let's not touch the topic of illegally distributed media here). All talk and no action. Fine, if you can't keep your word for whatever reason (dementia, amnesia, retardedness, laziness, etc), but INFORMING would be nice.

More on annoying things, I have 4 days off, including the weekend. I was so looking forward to a nice relaxed weekend, to catch up on my things. For 2 days now, I've been dragged into pointless family outings. Outings where HOURS are spent on walking around buying nothing or overspending. On top of that, being called for one thing or the other every few minutes that I am TRYING to do some work at home. ARGHHHH.

We are almost ready to visit the home country. NOT looking forward to it. Suitcases and bags from shopping trips are thrown on the bed, to be sorted in the next few days. It is always an expensive affair to go home during the festive season and fulfill expectations of gifts/presents from "abroad" for relatives, family friends and neighbours (some of whom we don't know OR like). The irony of it all.