All good things come to an end.

WOW. It's been exactly an YEAR of blogging on Planet Shu since my first post on 17 May 2010. What a run it has been!

As the time has come to wrap up this blog, I have a few things to say...

In the year that passed, this blog has given me immense happiness; something to look forward in life, an outlet to express my emotions, a chapter in life I can always go back and read, an analysis into my own self, the warm support of several close friends and many little invaluable lessons learnt along the way.

The most important of all, personally, is that I surpassed my own beliefs in my writing abilities and proved to myself that I can, in fact, write and keep writing. Not only that, I actually found blogging highly enjoyable. I don't have to hire someone to write my autobiography after all!

"When you found me, I was living in a deep, dark (s)hell. I didn't even recognise myself. You came along, took the pains to hunt me down from the shadows, and dragged me out of this (s)hell, screaming and kicking, in to the World outside. You gave me a voice, you gave me strength, you gave me belief in myself, you gave me a sense of self-worth and you gave me reason to keep moving forward when I had none. I am a stronger person today."

Thank you all, once again, for the support and encouragement. I could not have done without it.

[The rambles of this blogger continue on http://www.chocolatecaterpillar.blogspot.sg/]

"Music is what feelings sound like"

Music is such a powerful uniting force. Something so basic as sound produced at different frequencies has given rise to so many combinations of musical pieces, and this has transcended time, traditions, instruments, languages, cultures and styles. Even with thousands of years of history, music is still evolving with endless possibilities.

Earlier in the day, I attended a "jamming session" with a group of mostly professional artistes and I feel really good about being a small part of a piece that I'll be playing with them. Truth is, my amateur skills will be safely masked by these pros on the big day. And in an ordinary practice session, I don't speak the language they speak so I miss out on 90% of the dialogues! But the music, I do understand. Fortunate experiences of closely watching people such as these and the bounds to which one can push oneself in this line, is an endless source of inspiration.

I've also bumped into plenty of people who have given me encouraging nudges to keep going;

A mom who was the first one to acknowledge my affinity to screechy instruments and get me my first violin in 1995 with her hard-earned pocket money. A very supportive sis who just knows what to do without having me to ask for any support. Several teachers who didn't give up on me in the face of challenges. Another family, whose coincidental aquaintance marked the beginning of a solid base foundation in this hobby. The ex, for walking the many extra miles to pick and drop me off at classes and for sitting patiently in empty car parks at night, studying under dim street lights as I practised my notes. Friends who patiently listened to me play (often with alot of feedback from the microphones!) on webcam, so that I may get over the fear of playing to audiences, friends who came to watch concerts for support (yeah, you know who you are!), and many others who have walked hand-in-hand in this journey...

So, yes, Thank YOU.

"Cut out the poetry, Watson!"

Recent advances in technology which make our lives so much connected and convenient must be commended. I am now able to read Sherlock Holmes through a phone application which I downloaded from http://www.gutenberg.com/. Until now, I had missed many opportunities to read that particular book. I didn't even have to go to a library or carry a book with me everywhere I go. Whenever I have some free time, be it waiting for someone, waiting in a queue, in need of a distraction from routine or simply waiting to fall asleep in bed, I can simply turn on the application, go to a bookmarked page and continue reading it. Amazing!

My thoughts on the book so far... Surely, Holmes is the star character, without whose advanced observational and deducing skills, we won't have any adventures to read about. But he is far from being a normal human bieng and had I known him in real life, I doubt he would have made a good friend. Watson, on the other hand, I find is a more relatable character. His feelings are honestly and more frequently expressed in the story. Their relationship however puzzles me. Watson, even with his poor investigative skills (in comparison with Holmes) and minimal contributions to solving mysteries, is very loyal to Holmes. Holmes, when he can surely use any trained person or a trusted police officer to be his side kick, prefers Watson instead. Let's assume Watson gets some glory in getting a juicy story to write about from an insider's point of view and perhaps also partial credit in solving a mystery, what does Holmes get from Watson? Someone who can put up with his strange ways and emotionally unresponsive personality? Or is it someone who obliges to any request Holmes makes? Let see, if I can understand this better as I read on. I'm still on Chapter 6 out of a possible 30.

Having spent 2 troubled weeks, this is analysis week. I've had experiences dealing with 4 different (difficult) people, who got to see a very reactive side of me, I usually don't summon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Case 1
A close friend from work, to whom I lent some money at her hour of need many months back and some of my sister's DVDs 6 months back. Time went by, she never attempted to return the DVDs even with a few reminders and she never spoke about the money even after the "agreed date for returning" passed by. I was feeling bad whenever my sister asked about the DVDs and things got tight after my unfortunate incident of losing a big cash bill recently.

Action: I sent her a very strong, no sugar glaze, message on Facebook instead of telling her directly at work. I did this because I am better at expressing myself in writing than speaking.

Response: She was very apologetic and confessed she "forgot about it" due to her carelessness and said she would return it this week at work.

Lesson: Be short and sharp in expressing what I need, whichever way I am comfortable doing it. Doesn't matter what people think of me, if I am reasonable.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Case 2
A government official who has been neglecting processing an application I sent 14 months ago, despite numerous emails and calls.

Action: A very vocal and good friend of mine initiated a phone call to him, and I followed up with a strong email and copied some extra email addresses in hopes that someone senior might question this incompetent officer.

Response: Instant feedback from him and positive signs of him processing my application.

Lesson: ALWAYS include more recipients in an email, in addition to the person it is addressed to, preferably a senior authority, in emails that require action and transparency in dealings.

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Case 3
A blouse given to a tailor for stitching.

Action: He didn't deliver on the promised date. I was made to go an extra trip to collect this item to find out he hadn't even started on it. I went ballistic and made alot of noise at the shop. He promised to complete it the next day, after I lied about wanting to wear it the next day and expressed my disgust at their service. The only reason I pushed him was because I wanted to get my hands on this suit as early as possible as I was very excited to have it back.

Response: He did return it the next day. However, the job was VERY badly done, rushed and probably done in spite. Now I have a misfitting blouse, beyond repair, to wear for a very important occasion.

Lesson: Be very tactful in dealings that involve the need for good service. Treat your aid with respect and understanding and you will have cooperation and good service. Treat them badly and they will do the same.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Case 4
As elaborately mentioned in my previous blog, this is about the girl who travels to work with me. Despite many reminders, she is consistently late, causing most of us (mostly me) stress in getting to work on time.

Action: I sent her a sms, stating clearly that I am unhappy about it and my (drastic) course of action to deal with her. I stuck to my word from the very next day, when she was late once again.

Response: She got my message loud and clear. She was apologetic and did not engage in an argument to reverse my decision.

Lesson: Consistency is key to dealing with people who fail in certain areas habitually. Giving into their ways or loosening up, only causes more disappointment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No two experiences or personalities are alike and each object of conflict must have a customised method of approach. The first most important thing to do is to regain composure before reacting. Second, one must consider all the facts of the situation. Third, one must be reasonable when making a decision. Fourth, the message going across must be short and to the point showing reason and some degree of understanding. Fifth, be consistent and do not waiver in the decision made (provided it was made with the above considerations)...

....in theory, at least!

Anger Management

Oh wow... time for a blog!!

This short absence from blogging has mostly been because I have been learning to deal with several difficult people the past few weeks. Usually at the face of a conflict, I sweep the issues under the rug or simply run away. Man, I really need to grow some reinforcements and face it early before things turn into volcanic eruptions!

My blog is also my outlet for venting out; I have to let it out somewhere, or it can be catastrophic with many fatalities! It takes a lot to make me angry, but when someone or something has gone beyond my good-willed tolerance levels, I am very unforgiving and unwilling to compromise. I value alot of good habits and punctuality holds a supreme spot. One of my travel buddies has serious time management issues. She is regularly late to get her ass ready and out of the apartment in the mornings, and as a result 5 of us (including herself) are usually late. I am affected the most as I am the last one to reach office after fighting for a parking lot. Today was her unlucky day, I reached office only 3 mins past my official starting time, but she has pissed me off on too many days and so she received a warning:

Hi X,
I am unhappy with you being consistently late. I have been to office past 9am too often. From tomorrow onwards, I will give you the usual missed call 10 minutes before I arrive at your place, and if you are not downstairs, I will assume you are late and won't wait. I am sure you undertand that it is my responsibility to make sure everyone, including myself, gets to work on time.

She called back and was very apologetic and admitted it's her fault entirely. Not before having the nerve to say "I noticed your aura was unlike other days and you were very upset". SERIOUSLY WTF, you only noticed TODAY??? You SUCK at reading auras. Then she said, "Please don't drive off if I am not downstairs". Listen you *insert suitable noun here*, I am NOT going to waste any more phone credit of mine to call you to see if you are coming or not, and certainly NOT going to wait for you if I don't hear from you. Don't you get it? It is UNFAIR to the others and you are just being plain SELFISH. I suppose you don't get it, after all.

Can't wait for tomorrow morning to see what happens.... *evil grin*

On to better things to talk about. Recently, I put up a scanned copy of an old hand-written calendar on Facebook, that my paternal grandfather handed over it to me before he passed on. He was very clever and good with numbers (among other things), and this one paged calendar could be used for checking dates for all the years of the 21st century (to be verified for other years, but it works until 2028 for certain). I have no proof that he designed it on his own, and I won't go as far as to make an annoucement like that. I then tagged, all his children and grandchildren who were on Facebook. Seeing all the comments of these people, I realised what an impact he made on so many people. Also, we relatives are not too close or the type to keep in touch regularly, but it has been heart-warming to see how everyone is united under this common link "seeya" (meaning, grandfather in my native language) and openly expressing their admiration and respect for him on Facebook, several months after he passed on.

This brings me to an interesting thought. The video below says "Imagine what people will be saying at your funeral and if you don't like what you hear, go do something about your life", I am thinking, it should be rather what people will be saying about you LONG AFTER the funeral.

Youtube: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

My Name is Earl

You know how life screws over one person and rewards another at the same time? Every once in a while you have to be the sucker who got screwed.

Lately, the feeling of living in the inside of my head has been so overwhelming that I have been less mindful of what I am doing physically. So today after being entrusted with a huge cash bill, I was sent on a shopping errand. I don't remember much of the events that happened, but I lost this bill. Desperate attempts to find it were futile.

It took me exactly 1.5 hours to get over the shock, the disbelief, the anger and sadness of the loss and means of replacement; all thanks to an adorable picture of a cat loaf! Feelings of disappointment over the unexpected turn of events remain, but with acceptance of facts, it is easier to handle.

So that was the sucker's part of the story.

Let's see the lucky person's side of the story. This area was particularly crowded with foreign workers of the lower-income range. I hope the one who found this bill was someone who needed it badly. Although I can't be sure of who the recipient was, it is some consolation knowing that who ever took it, will make good use of it for their happiness.

What a day!

Small Talk

Today I was awfully pissed off at a "friend" from work. Lately, she has been very distant and she is undoutedly passing a very destructive phase in her romantic life. Add to it, she is also quite manipulative. Work has been very hectic lately and my lunch breaks are reduced in half. I come to the lunch room to enjoy my lunch in peace. But no, I can't do that; there is a rowdy bunch who laughs so loudly, you can hardly hear your own thoughts. To add to that, my "friend", starts updating me on her love life without any invitation (I DON'T GIVE A DAMN, WOMAN. I HAVE LOST TRACK OF YOUR BOYFRIENDS AND THEIR BIOS. NOW LET ME EAT MY FOOD IN PEACE), as I play with my food longingly, trying to sneak in a spoonful of food when she stops talking for a bit.

Oh no, I am not that nice. I may feel sorry for her later and have her unload her troubles on me willingly, but not today. In the end, I was forced to listen to her simply because I had no other place to go and eat in a hurry. And she had no clue. URGH.

I very much dislike having "small talk" with people I don't associate with much. It is too fake most of the time:

X: HI (with much enthusiasm), how ARE you?
Me (for the hundredth time today): I am good, thanks *forced smile*.
X: How was your weekend?
Me: It was good (Quick Shu, try to recall what you did) *forced smile* (Shit, I can't remember! :O). I relaxed at home *forced smile* (OH OH I know, try the weather!). It is getting hotter now, can barely go out to do anything! (which is a lie, the weather is still bearable).
X: That's right! (loud laughter, hard to tell if it is real or forced), which is why I did _______ and ________ with ________ on Friday. OMG it was SO exciting. Blah Blah Blah. Next weekend, I want to do _______ at _______ with ________. And more Blah Blah Blahs.
Me: *forced smile* (Good grief. HELP) *another forced smile*
X: So how is that report coming along?
Me: (Finally, thought you'd never ask). Oh? That is coming along well. I should be done by lunch time. I will come and see you about it later today.
X: Thanks. I'll catch up later.
Me: Great, you have a good day. (Whew)
X: Yeah, you too.

Walks past, to notice another small talker approaching. (Quick Shu, make a dash for it!)

*WHIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ*

(Success! :D)

The Show Goes On

This week's No. 1 hit on on Shu's OCD chart IS:

*drum roll*



DAMN, I can't get enough of the orchestral music playing in the background. It even has a Chinese classical music feel to it. Love it!!!

Of resources

My phone rings and I take a look. "Asshole calling". Answer? Reject? my phone asks. I ignore.

Yes, that's what I've named him under my saved phone contacts!!! Brings a smile to my face each time he calls :D

I have a phone stalker/ nuisance caller. He gives me regular missed calls. Very few now, but a few weeks back, he was very persistent. I picked up the first call, not knowing who it is/ what it was about. He even managed to profess his intentions: "I want for you" (DUDE, if you ever want to attract a female, get your grammar right first. Chicks dig good English). Then, he kept calling till my sis threatened to "call the police". His calls reduced after that, and now, he gives me the occasional missed call at 12-ish in the night.

I also found out, because of a certain smart phone application which picks up people using this app AND being a saved contact on my phone, that his user name was "Ahmad". So the next time I face the unfortunate event of talking to this psychopath, I am going to call him by this name and see if he pees his pants. Worth a shot, anyway.

Apparently, my dad reads my facebook updates. My parents don't really know me like this blog does. As much as it is disturbing to know my dad sees my updates and judges me, I'm glad he gets to see a part of me that way. Damn, I got to be more careful now. No swear words. No sexual references. No racy comments. No revealing photos. I can do that. 

An example on how thought processes evolve as one ages (hypothetical scenes added for visual effect):

Stage 1:
What the hell is wrong with me? Why is everything I do wrong? (turns up the volume to max on her CD player and toys with the idea of accidentally drinking a few extra sleeping pills.)

Stage 2:
I am not assertive enough. People don't care about what I think. I'll never get ahead in life being like this. I am useless. (She comes home after a dreadful day in school, humiliated and frightened, throws herself on the bed and weeps.)

Stage 3
I am not very assertive. But that is MY inherent style. Sure, it is harder to get things done being like that. But I WILL find (quiet) ways of getting what I want. (She smiles.)

"Social Networking"

There is actually a term called "Facebook depression", gaining popularity in today's society. Eventhough the article on it I read addressed teens with low self-esteem issues, I think it applies to a huge population of Facebook users, regardless of age.

I myself have fallen into this plenty of times, mostly for brief moments, when I see and hear about all the happy, smiling faces going to exotic places, spending great times with loving partners or hanging out with adventurous companions. These carefully picked photos and phrases (I myself am guilty of this practice) just paint a very biased picture of the world. And if one is particularly feeling down on life and wallowing in self pity, then, spending hours on Facebook comparing notes will only send them down a spiral. For me, it doesn't take long to kick myself and tell myself that these are probably the very few great things happening in their lives and that I should be happy for them in the least.

Also, I realise that the morons who write silly things and show off their imperfections are not a bad thing after all. They are some of the few who keep it real in the Facebook world.

Meet the Friends

In the course of our life's journey, we make many friends. Different circumstances bring us together and different reasons keep us together. Some will remain closer to our heart than others.

The other day, I arranged for my 3 closest friends here (from office) to meet my travel buddies at an outdoor movie screening at a beautifully designed Egyptian-themed mall. I was a bit nervous. After all, they come from different backgrounds and the only common link for starters, was me. The initial unfamiliarity is like a black veil separating two worlds. Though, I know very well what's on either side, there is no knowing if these two worlds can co-exist happily when the veil comes off! It was not entirely a disaster and it will take time to develop and get past their differences in culture, gender, interests and preferences.

Adele. I first heard a song of hers on radio, when it peaked number one on the charts. The first time, I didn't like it; it is very different from what you might hear on radio these days. The second time, I heard it on radio during a long quiet drive, I was blown away. Somehow, I was left mystified by her voice and control of the song. I watched her on YouTube and thought to myself, how strong and confident she sounded, and that it must be because of her mature age (she looked matured). But today, I read up about her on Wiki and find out she is only 22 years of age! :O Looks can be deceiving!

Shuri is wondering if it is time to have an intervention for her Sis, who lately has been going on sudden bouts of spending cash on expensive shoes. This month alone, she got 3 new pairs. Compare this with the number of times she actually went out somewhere fancy wearing those of shoes this month = 3 days. hmmmm....the stats are a bit disturbing...

A New Delivery!

I went to see a new born baby today. My first impressions: it looked so tiny and fragile and dispropotionate. I didn't know what else I was supposed to think! I didn't feel my heart turn to mush like it does when I see baby animals. While in conversation with its mother, she describes her caesarean experience: it was better than my first. They gave a lot of pain killers and a local anaesthetic (injected to the lower spine) and I watched the whole operation. To me, this seemed like a development from traditional times. I mean, who doesn't want to take the path of least pain? Or pain distributed over a course of a week instead of that same raw pain felt over a short course of 5-10 hours? The healthcare system has brilliantly tapped into this market. Back in the olden days, child birth probably didn't cost a penny (might have cost a life, though). But now, a spohisticated child delivery as described above, costs nearly USD 6000.

The ICC Cricket World Cup is nearing it's finals. I'm thrilled the Aussies are out for good. Sure, they are a strong team, but those guys really have a rotten attitude. Plus, they've won too many times in the past. It's time for the tables to turn.

Seems like the English have lost their patents to the English Language. Seriously, I can understand many nationalities speak English better than I understand some of the English people's at work.

I just finished watching Karate Kid (the one with Will Smith's son) today, after 4 days of watching bits and pieces. It had its good moments,especially with Jackie Chan. But I thought the ending was rather lame. An African-American kid who trains possibly 3 months wins a tournament against all the Chinese kids who have probably been training for YEARS. I'm not buying it. Shu, when did you turn to such a cynic?!

This guy has a really sexy voice:
"Wonderful World" by James Morrison



Damn, I am coming down with a sore throat.

A day in the life of an obsessive sociophobe

Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy
(Hey, what up girl?)
Grab my glasses, I'm out the door, I'm gonna hit this city
(Lets go)
Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack
'Cause when I leave for the night, I ain't coming back
- Ke$ha


So where was I? yeah...

I wake up in the morning at 7am (Tick Tock, on the clock...)

Take your irresponsible song and get off my head, you evil siren.....THANK YOU.

____________________________________________________________

"OMG, WHAT ARE THEY THINKING ABOUT ME????"

Scene 1: The morning rush
I am getting ready to go to work. Once inside the washroom, I make sure the door is locked (having walked in on about thrice on separate occassions, I will forever remember to check!). Once done, I scan around to make sure everything is in order before I leave. While getting ready in my room, I make sure the curtains are closed because a bright light bulb on the inside can make things very visible to the outside.

Scene 2: Off to work
In the lift, there is a huge mirror. This is where I do a final check to see that my attire is in order (the shirt buttoned up, no tears, no marks, creases are fine), no flyaway hairs and right accessories. I flee from the lift to the car park, not looking around to see who's looking at me (yeah....), until I have my shades on, which is when I can hold my head up high. And once inside Chariotte, all feels safe. Loud music is on. Then my new-found friends join in and we are one big happy family, except on certain quiet mornings when we are still half asleep. The sociophobe has dozed off...

Scene 3: At work
If someone says "Good Morning", I say it back and smile. Usually, I am very active and chirpy in the mornings, provided I have had my tea and breakfast. But if I had to say it first, it is never consistent. I tell it to some people, not others, and this varies for different days. In my world, there are tiny time frames when certain tasks must be completed (like saying Morning when passing by a certain desk), or the opportunity is lost. I like to avoid saying it to some people, like my boss. I look up and see my boss turned away and busy with his computer. (Whew, the sociophobe thinks. No need to face him now). While I work, my ears are active and pick up footsteps and conversations. I can tell alot of people by the sound of their footsteps now, without even seeing who it is. At the coffee machine, I get my cappaccino, hoping I don't have to bump into anyone. If I do, I make hollow conversations as I plot a rapid exit in my head. When my boss is coming towards me, I look away (to be honest, I think he's a sociophobe too!) or sometimes manage to mutter a nearly inaudible  "Hi". The day goes by, I try to do everthing right. I try to be in control. I re-read my emails, check for grammar several times and anticipate the various impressions it might create in the minds of others. I am wary of conversations I make. So careful that sometimes, I can't maintain normal conversations with colleagues, out of fear of judgement (interesting to note that I am a highly judgemental person in return) or because I am busy distracted running several simulated scenarios in my head.

Scene 4: Lunch
Entering the lunch room with a room full of staff is disheartening. I am much more comfortable in smaller groups less than 5. So most days, I find excuses to drive out in my lunch break or find places of solitude to have my lunch while I listen to music, read a book or simply live inside my head. Finally, a quick trip to the washroom, again, to check for flyaway hair or colourful pieces of food wedged between my teeth!

Scene 5: Social situations
These are the hardest, if I am not around people I trust and those who I am convinced can put up with my eccentricities. I try hard to play cool, while hiding away any fear or awkwardness. Sometimes, out of nervousness, I do blabber inappropriate things, something I would never do when in my comfort groups. I would try to avoid activites that leave me socially vulnerable like giving a public speech, making good impressions, interviews, performances, dancing, drinking, looking different, wearing different and even thinking different and saying it out. I like to blend in, without attracting too much attention. I think hard about the types of topics I should converse on, once I have analysed the various outcomes of impressions/ interpretations of what I say.

General characteristics: paintakingly careful, hypersensitive to feedback, observant, detail oriented, methodical, organised
Suitable professions: criminal, detective, mother, shrink

It is not an easy life to lead. Identifying these manic sides to me has helped me to consciously overcome some of the associated challenges; while attempting to "grow a spine" and "voice out my opinions" as some would say. On the up side, some of these same characteristics, make me good at a lot of the things I do and does not make me any less of a person!

Random

I have taken a small break from Mousehunt, the game on Facebook that I was so piously dedicated to. Even in games, they make it hard for you to accumilate gold. So after awhile the stress of making gold gets to you in a negative way.

Months of bitching about my job finally paid off this week. I got appreciated and praised one day BY THE BOSS HIMSELF for coming up with a good idea for improving things in the work place. Being the desperado I am for any morsel of attention that comes my way, I was floating 3 inches off the ground for most of the day. Pathetic, Shu. But it's amazing what a tiny line of encouragement can do to the attitude of an employee. Seriously, they need to capitalise on this stuff!

Facebook. Can't do without it these days. While it has its many advantages, one can be easily put off by things such as reading annoying posts of others like them wanting to kill themselves (why announce?), finding it difficult to find friends on the rather unfriendly friend finder, and seeing notifications from the same set of people on the news feed (eventhough I changed the settings to reflect feeds from everyone), receiving game requests, to name some.

Also on the same topic, I noticed that 98% of my photos on Facebook are ones taken with people of MY gender, which might lead people to suspect that I am a homosexual. I can't be bothered to clear misconceptions.



I am so sleepy, I should go.

The Sun always shines again

" job n. A regular activity performed in exchange for payment, especially as one's trade, occupation, or profession."

That's right, the definition does not include words such as "satisfaction", "happiness", "appreciation" or "development".

I've been sour and bitter about my job lately. Mostly, due to accumilation of unexpressed emotions (nothing out of the ordinary about Shu). It developed into a maggot-infested corpse of an issue, where it's decomposing juices oozed into my work and personal life. I stumbled on this goo and fell a few times this month.

When I dusted myself up again, I looked around me.
1. One of my travelling buddies, works 8 hours a day, 7 days a week with no days off for even a public holiday.
2. I know someone who kept their job for a few years eventhough her boss was a pervert and made passes which can be termed as sexual harassment.
3. I know plenty of friends "in-between jobs", and even I've been there.
4. I see plenty of domestic workers working here, with untold hardships and minimal wages.
5. I see many doing odd jobs, dodging authorities, living in unhabitable conditions and working amidst many occupational hazards.
6. I know a friend who works 3 jobs to make ends meet.
7. And this list does go on.

It's far easier for me to complain and be unhappy about a few inconveniences than be thankful for the plenty of things I've taken for granted about this job of mine. So I've decided to try and stop being petty about it.

Also on the topic of work, I am part of a committee organising social events for the staff. The next event, to my horror, is called a "Pub Crawl". Yes, as the name suggests, it's going to be about crawling to about 5 different pubs back to back. There will be alot of booze and drinking games and making history (mostly embarassing/ unprofessional ones). And I *really want* to worm myself out of this event, which is harder now that I'm obliged to participate as a member of that committee. Seriously Shu, you get yourself in real pickled situations. And then, there's also this guy at work who I seem to have a massive crush on.

Ground Zero

Yesterday was bright and sunny.
Today, it feels the exact opposite.
My world spirals downwards today.
It lacks the will to stand tall, amidst storms that come my way.
It is too much attuned to fluctuations in external circumstances.

Today, I agree to the same things I contradicted yesterday.
Sad it is, to have no choice but to run back to the arms that made you cry in the first place.
Fearful it is, to look back and realise there are no guardians angels watching over me.
I can only watch in helplessness, while cruel acts cannot be reasoned out with cruel people.
I failed to stand up for the ones who needed protecting.
Disappointed is what I become, when I measure the world with my scales.

Does not matter where I flee to, it follows me everywhere I go.
"Castle Walls" - T.I. ft. Christina Aguilera

Cirque de la vie

Ah, what a terrible day! One of the bosses, kept me long after work, all the while when 4 people were waiting for me. Nothing ticks off Shu like being kept waiting or keeping other people waiting. To make things worse, there was a heavy traffic jam, none like I've ever seen in 7 months.

Shu's travelling 'circus' now consists of 4 people (excluding herself). The most interesting part is that the 4 of them come from different countries! One from Philippines, one from Egypt, one from Indonesia and one from Morocco; so that's 5 different nationalities squeezed in one car. Two of the best parts to her day are traveling to and from work with banging music and this noisy bunch who get along quite well except for the one from Philippines, mostly because of the age gap. She looked nearly horrified to hear a very elaborate conversation on Lady Gaga's infamous condom costume once. Shu loves to see people leave behind their labels and unite in the name of just being homo sapiens.

Shu, I know life is (mostly) good now. But life moves FAST. If you don't make hay while the sun shines, er...the poor donkeys won't have anything to eat??? (never wondered why that idiom existed, until now). What I mean to say is please don't procrastinate and put the things that really matter in life to the bottom of your priorities. You are now like a grasshopper dancing away to life's comforts and joys. You know very well how impermanent and uncertain life is. Everything could change in the blink of an eye. So be wise. Build yourself to be stronger on the inside. Be smart. Don't lose yourself in this materialistic tsunami of life. Be strong. Don't depend on other people for emotional anchors. Lastly, make good use of the time you have so that you won't have too many regrets later on.

This day is not due for another 8 months, but what the hell, I thought it is still funny!

Y-E-A-H Man

I've have crawled my way out of a deep crevice I fell into a few weeks back, only to attempt blogging again. This year so far has certainly not been my year for writing. But today, I got a ray of inspiration, reading one of my old posts after sharing it with one of the people it was dedicated to.

I went to see Usher live in concert last night. Man, it was a disappointment. And if I were Usher, I'd kill myself if I heard that coming from a "fan". He performed many songs for nearly 2 hours, drenched with sweat as he juggled singing and dancing. It sure didn't seem easy and I'll give him that. But except for a couple songs that the crowds went wild over, the rest were slow and cheesy, and hardly tunes that can be danced-to. The after-concert wasn't so great either. I ended up with a company of a mostly wasted people, a couple of them jabbered way too much and I had to put up with listening. I stayed sober, with the wonderful excuse of being the designated driver. I came home, feeling awfully tired, and fell asleep rightway. Come morning time, I felt like shit. Missed my class and went back to sleep with a terrible headache. Waking up, I realised I was still wearing my contact lenses from last night which now felt like shattered glass pieces in my eyes. Joy.

The rest of the day went pretty well actually. I did a lot of housework (cooking, laundry, ironing 2 weeks worth of office clothes), I went for a class later in the day, I had a mini-outing at the beach and I had a decent conversation with my mother, All in all, it felt good to be back from the depressing cesspool of pettiness, jealousy and self pity I had been wallowing in.

Time for bed Shu, to rest those aching joints from the nasty after effects of outdoor concerts!

Ghosts from the past..

NUMB3RS

I like numbers.

Last Saturday morning, after class, driving back home, annoyed with the usual radio stations I listen to, I switched to a random channel.

A song I've never heard before started playing. It made me grin (like a Royal idiot, of course, but I didn't mind) all the way home. A truly happy song. Love at first tune. I didn't care for the lyrics, the music and his high pitch voice, did the trick! So I memorised one line "my heart beats like a drum" and frantically searched for it on Youtube as soon as I got home! I have listened to it nearly 100 times since (talk about borderline OCD!).

Evening time. My girl friends made sudden plans to meet at a mall (yes, I know, sounds soooo girly). What to do, they are not the outdoor type!!!  While I really enjoy their company, I have to put up with ALOT of window shopping and wasting away time browsing through things I won't spend my cash on! But I did get the chance to see some beautiful outdoor scenes just outside the mall.

So yeah, back to my story...

After coffee, and MORE loitering in shops, it was time for the movie. I really really REALLY wanted to watch The King's Speech but they had all watched it. I was nearly tempted to ask them to go ahead watch whatever they liked and that I can go watch The King's Speech on the other side of the hall and we could meet up afterwards. I have no issues watching movies alone, but it would not have been polite in this case. So we all settled for No Strings Attached. Ashton Kutcher being the King of all things lame and cheesy, I KNEW the end to the movie before I saw it! Surprisingly enough, it was funny and more entertaining than I thought. The hot and steamy scenes were completely removed (thanks to local censorship boards) that it took awhile to piece together the plot in a couple of places in the movie since chunks of the storyline were missing! In the end, as predicted, the girl and the guy get back together for the umpteenth time. We were led to believe that this was the last time (going by the credits that started to roll on the side of the screen). I always like to sit until all the credits of a movie have passed, in hopes of catching a glimpse of special short scenes...

There were few of them. AND, a familiar song played at the end (IT WAS THAT SONG!!!).

My eyes popped out, jawed dropped, etc. No *Beep Beep* WAY!!! Needless to say, I was grinning for most of the evening too...

Hmmmm, what exactly are the odds of THAT happening??

"Rhythm of Love" by Plain White T's

Times are a changed

There was a time, when life was simpler.

Many years back, we had no central water supply and had to depend on wells to get water for basic washing and cooking. For other high consumption activities like laundry and bathing, we had to take a 5 minute walk down to the river. Those were easily some of the most enjoyable days of my time. We swam and splashed in the river for hours while all we heard, saw and felt was our own laughter, the calming sounds of the flowing water gushing by, the white bubbles that formed as the flow hit the stones, the cool breeze, flocks of birds flying overhead and the sun setting behind the mountains. All this was mixed with the fear of knowing that this very river was capable of drowning us as we might have helplessly strived to take those last few breaths, before being dragged down to the depths.

If there is one thing this river taught me, it's that life's fleeting moments that pass by me will never come back. The good moments will thus be missed. The bad moments will soon be forgotten. And a wise person should strive to live and make good use of the present moment.

Not Quite

Is it that time of the month?? Not quite. Or is it that lately many people are giving me enough reasons to get pissed off?? Yes, most likely.

Don't recede into your shell, Shu ... it's hard to get out once you do.

Dear Mum/ Dad,

I am fully aware of the fact I am 25 years of age and that it is customary for a girl my age to start thinking of marriage according to our social standards.

While I understand your parental concerns over who will be willing to marry me when I am 35 and relatively unattractive, I can assure you it is not any concern of mine. I am confident that when the time is right and when I feel ready for marriage, things will fall in place. I have not decided to stay single for the rest of my life and I will certainly give a fair chance to a decent guy I meet who manages to impress me with his personality.

You have brought me up to be independent when it comes to making big decisions. As far as I could remember, you have let me (or watched me) choose my subjects, my degree, my friends, my clothes, my jobs, my love interests, my hobbies, my finances, etc. Similarly, I would like to have my own shot at picking the person I would like to spend the rest of my life with. And I would rather live with all the consequences of my decisions than have you hand-pick a man for me. Not to mention, you dont even know me well enough to know what kind of personality would complement mine. I don't want to play along in an "arranged marriage" game as it is based on alot of underlying expectations and I do not wish to inconvenience another person or a family by giving any false hope. Also, I would not hear you take an astrologer's word over such a big decision that concerns me.

The reason I am pushing this off is simply for the fact that a committment such as a marriage at this point in my life, would be an inconvenience to the future I am paving for myself. I want to be able to support myself and you both on my own than have to depend on a husband for it. I have no doubt that I would make a good wife to a husband who treats me with respect and loyalty. I also feel my personality would make me a very devoted and caring mother should I decide to take on that responsibility.

Honestly, I can understand your love for me and the worry that follows as a result. But this is a decision that I truly want to make on my own and in my own terms. I will not be pushed to make this decision based on deadlines, social standards, biological clocks or what your friends/ our relatives think.

Dad, I know would not approach and talk to me about issues like this and that you always put across such things through Mum. That's too bad, because I think you are probably the only one of the two of you that I can have a logical conversation with in English. Mum as you know is too emotional and she always crushes me in with her polished grammar in our native language, which I am poor at expressing.

Mum, I admire you for the pains you took in bringing us up and for teaching us to be strong, independent, practical, compassionate and to do what is right. So you of all people, should be able to understand my reasoning.

Please trust me when I ask you not to be worried. I am the person I love the most in this world and that should be comforting enough for you because my priorities now lie in making my life secure and happy, within the noble means that you both have taught me to follow.

So I'll leave you two to best decide on how to turn down the marriage proposals that have been coming your way...

Love you always.

Yours,
Very special youngest daughter.

Big Dipper, small dipper

Perceptions keep changing all the time...

Work tomorrow.... it's laying-off season. Lost a good person last week. He was probably the only mentor I had at work and one of the best I've known. He will be dearly missed.

I hate ironing clothes. Today, I had to iron my nephew's school uniform for the first time. That felt strangely emotional. I realised I was old, as I ironed his little red checked shirt and shorts. The other day, his mother had a night out (much deserved, of course). The usual plan is for me to sleep next to him, once he has been put to sleep by his mother. So he *thinks* it's his mother and won't create any drama when he wakes up (partially) in the night and rolls back to sleep.  Sure, I have to sleep like a bird, waking every hour for every sneeze he has, but it works well, and he fell for it 2 times in a row!!!

Much like this scenario:

Let's see what this week unravels...



Im back, Im back

Ahhhh...feels so good to be blogging again!!! I have dearly missed it.

Let's see ... since my last blog, my flu's gone (a-lmost!), I have +1 wisdom tooth, my little nephew started school and I have a smart phone.

The long awaited Nokia C7 finally made its way to my hands a few days back. By now, most of my initial excitement is gone. It looks and feels great. Much more functions left to discover and use. The best two things about it are the free navigation feature and personalising experience with the phone. On the downside, it has annoyed me alot by eating away my credit by connecting to the internet in misleading ways... I was left stranded on a couple of occassions when I had to make important calls. Also, messaging on a touch screen takes some getting used to. 

After several weeks of shying away from family obligations and feeling gulity about it, I am trying to make time for them and to try and enjoy it while I am at it. It's working for now. Got to love my sis, she's a star. With all the challenges that come her way, she is still upright and keeping things under control. AND she puts up with my ways with little fuss.

I keep hearing a catchy song on radio these days, called Tonight I'm Lovin' You by Enrique Iglesias Ft. Ludacris. And today, I thought, hey let me check it out on Youtube because the beat sounded good. YIKES!! There are too many sexual depictions (of the disturbing kind) in it. Seriously, do these musicians overuse these elements just to attract fans and Youtube views? Are they not aware that they are creating new social standards which most weak minded youth feel obligated to conform to? *sigh*

Been bumping into too many jokes lately! Today, I came across a hilarious line uttered by one of my good humoured colleagues. I nearly fell off my chair. Apparently, she had forgotten to draw her "eyebrows" that day to work. OMG priceless. 

Here's one from Pink. I think she has a great voice and best of all, she expresses her songs without the extra frills and they feel honest. (Oops she used the F-word!).

"Perfect" by Pink

Reason and Persuasion

Today, I completed one year at my current job. MY thoughts?  Well, I honestly feel grateful for the livelihood it gave me and my family in the past one year. I've grown up, matured, learnt new skills, developed a few invaluable friendships with good people, pushed myself to new challenges, become more confident, acquired higher material and social status, started to set objectives in life and feel determined to work towards them. On the downside, my boss is not the mentor-type I expected. He has been unwilling to take a few minutes of his busy time to do a review of my performance for the past year. I am uncertain as to where I stand in the company or what opportunities for progress lie ahead. I am not working in a field I specialised in. I am underpaid. My potential is not exploited rightfully by this job or the company. Everything in life comes in packaged deals. This is the subscription plan I picked an year ago. I have 2 choices; be content with what I do have and keep going OR actively go looking for what I need and move on. Very simple, theoritically speaking.

Life is a funny thing, on one end someone extends you a hand and pulls you out of your despair. And then you turn around and see another in despair, and realise you can and should help. Empathy, sympathy, charity, generosity, compassion, kindness are all very Noble things ONLY if used wisely. It is easy to fall prey to being an "innocent fool" after rushing to help without first arming oneself with the necessary knowledge and equipment first. Much like a paramedic is of not much use without proper background knowledge of the accident and without his medical equipment. After all, the cause is lost if you do more damage than help or worse, end up damaged. These things make more sense as I get older and I leave behind my cocoon of naivety.

I've had better luck with the second book of Bertrand Russell I am reading. With the first one, I tried too hard. The vocabulary and writing style seemed beyond my level of comprehension. However, I am curiously drawn to the wide variety of topics he tackled in his works of literature. Not ready to give up yet, I picked up a smaller book of "Bertrand Russell's Best" from the library the other day. And like most secondary school kids who turn their Biology textbooks directly to the chapter on "Reproduction" when they need an interesting appetizer before starting the dry main course (of studying for the finals, of course! - in case you lost me there), I jumped to a random chapter on "Sex and Marriage". He wrote this in 1929 and eventhough his arguments were directed in opposition to teachings of the Church on the same topic at the time, I find that even in 2011, they still hold remarkable significance in certain conservative cultures (like mine). One simply feels challenged to argue back with his flawless logic, eventhough there were a couple of eye-brow raising moments for me here and there. Not only that, his wit and logic combine in some places and the resulting lines are too hilarious!

On the topic of "Sex and Marriage", he says in one place,

"If the old morality is to be re-established, certain things are essential....The first esssential is that the education of girls should be such as to make them stupid and superstitious and ignorant; .....the next requisite is a very severe censorship upon all books giving information on sex subjects.....These conditions, however, since they already exist, are clearly insufficient. The only thing that will suffice is to remove from young women all opportunity of being alone with men; girls must be forbidden to earn their living by work outside home; they must never be allowed an outing unless accompanied by their mother or an aunt;.....It must be illegal for an unmarried woman under fifty to possess a motor-car, and perhaps it would be wise to subject all unmarried women once a month to medical examination by police doctors, and to send to a penitentiary all such as were found not virgins. The use of contraceptives must, of course, be eradicated,.....These measures, if carried out vigorously for a hundred years or more, may perhaps do something to stem the rising tide of immorality. I think, however, that in order to avoid the risk of abuse, it would be necessary that all policemen and all medical men should be castrated. Perhaps it would be wise to carry this policy a step further, in view of the inherent depravity of the male character. I am inclined to think that moralists would be well advised to advocate that all men should be castrated, with the exception of ministers of religion....."

Perhaps, the world needs a couple of more Lord Russells on the Eastern hemisphere so that mental evolution (with regards to social problems) - constipated as it is - can progress steadily and healthily.

Looking forward to reading what he has to say on drier topics.

No, I'M your Master, and you are my slave

Trying to gain mastery over their minds has been an evolutionary human urge. It has no doubt been a driving force in re-shaping our society. Perhaps, it is a losing battle in the end from an individual's perspective. Nevertheless, they try.

When we are young and able, we develop interests that culture organised and disciplined ways of thinking and behaviour. We erect fences and dams in areas of the mind we know are weak in its foundations. We educate ourselves and re-validate our principles from time to time. We maintain lists and straighten out the world around us to achieve a sense of control and structure. We lean towards people who we think are like us or are better influences. We use logic and reasoning to defeat ignorance and misconceptions.We try to steer away from interests that may initiate uncontrolled disturbance in our surroundings. We enforce rules and regulations to help us trap ourselves into universally accepted ways. Sometimes, we even go as far as to use fear and punishment, when all else fails.

The eternal battle of the self over mind continues.


   

Of mice and social networks

Unfortunately my reservoir for blogging ideas these days is tainted with this disease.

Another visit to a doctor yesterday. This time an ENT specialist. Didn't think he would be that much useful (I was right). But why did I go? Because the family told me so. Got to please them every once in awhile.

A conversation with the radiologist just before getting an X-ray:
Radiologist: Are you married or not married?
Shu: Not married.
Radiologist: Are you single?
Shu (sickly and annoyed): Yes. (WTF. Didn't I just answer that?)

Took me till hours later AND some help to figure out the logic behind that style of questioning in a country where pregancy out of wedlock can get you arrested and/or deported!

Made some hefty purchases in game "gold" on Mousehunt today, thanks to some generous donations. Now to work Piped Piper's magic.

Also happened to watch "The Social Network" after declaring a half day of sick leave from work. Ok, I was really feeling awful and unable to work. So yeah, I thought it was a great movie, in that it's based on a (currently relevant) real story and reflects the struggles Facebook was subject to, to get to where it is today - a 500 million user-base. Impressive, I'd say. One need not elaborate on how much Facebook is part of our everyday lives now.

There was a confusing 10 seconds of a strong tremor a while back. It could have been an earthquake or a disturbing hallucination. Too soon to confirm. Oh well, I'll know tomorrow if the building hasn't already collapsed for an after-shock.

GO TO SLEEP SHU, are you mad to stay up so late??? Another day of sick leave and you might get fired!

"Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone"

Six hours of possible sleep-time before waking up to a new week of work...

This weekend has been one of those rare productive, satisfying and warm/fuzzy ones. Despite the health setbacks, I've managed to accomplish much. I am not crying over having to go to work tomorrow, unlike some other weekends where I just turn my lazy butt at the Sun and dwell in regret/ self-pity for time lost.

My last blog, written out of frustration at the time, stired deeper thoughts and further internal analysis. I have found clearer explanations to some of my questions, thanks to one who has a natural gift for analysing, breaking down and simplifying things ;)

For the first time, I've got lessons which I feel challenged about in my music class. The notes are hard, I am struggling, I fail, I practice, I try hard. I fail again. I still love it.

Time for Chariotte's health check up tomorrow. She will get her vitals checked and fixed. She's been nothing but reliable and helpful. I don't know what I would do without her.

Nothing like waiting for your turn outside the doctor's clinic, watching unknown people and muted documentaries on BBC, to drift you off to a place where you can think. If you are feeling overwhelming love and positivity and hope for the world, you need to visit a hospital. Tiny children afflicted with disease, horror-striken mothers, cancer patients, people with deformities, people with skin conditions and the like are everywhere. And then it hits you, "Yes, they do exist and I share this world with them". Then you also remember the less-fortunate fellow beings and helpless animals. How easy it is to forget them, as your pampered able-bodies sit on your selfish asses, indulging in fleeting pleasures, dreaming of self-centered ambitions, complaining of what you do not have. SHAME ON YOU.

Five hours of sleep-time left before waking up to a new week of work.

Carving that Niche

I am a 25 year old woman, and I am still struggling to figure myself out. Shouldn't I KNOW myself by now?  Shouldn't I KNOW by now how to think and act in confidence? Shouldn't I KNOW by now where I want to head in life? And yes, by all that, I meant I don't have a solid idea of myself to hold on to. It is not a very comforting thought.

Am I the person I am based on my current human associations? Or am I the person I am when I am alone? Or am I the person I become when I do certain activities?

Except for an atomic nucleus sized core of strong values and ideas that remain unchanged, it is apparent that a large part of my personality is heavily influenced by the type of people I hang out with, what they say, the type of situations I am in and conforming to social standards. I am a shape-shifter of sorts, evolved to camouflage in order to blend in with the circumstances. It happens naturally most of the time, I feel it is real when I am in the moment. Does that make me entirely fake? I do not know.

Do I let myself get close to people just so that I hope to find a definition of myself? That sounds awfully twisted and selfish.

Or am I simply struggling to live with all the different and sometimes conflicting aspects of my personality?

URGH. Isn't is one of those phases in life I should have been done with in my late teens or early twenties? The big questions about Life, the present reality vs. lessons learned by self vs. lessons taught by elders while growing up vs. social standards. Somebody needs to write a credible book on "Dummy's Guide to Life", I might buy it.

On to lighter things,

Same old, same old with the health-front. Blasted disease. Cold weather doesn't aid recovery. My lungs have taken a dip for the worst. I wonder if this is the beginning of a lifelong series of chronic ailments. Whatever.

I have been very addicted to a game on Facebook lately. Mousehunt. What I fear most about games has become a reality - addiction. I find myself strongly entertained, determined and devoted to it, perhaps sometimes even shying away from my other priorities. For example, I burnt the same non-stick pan TWICE when I left something cooking on an open fire as I was away tending to my newfound addiction. Yes, it is possible I might set the building on fire with my obliviousness.

There are good things that have become of this brand new year, which I have failed to recognise earlier. I have a new wardrobe of clothes and shoes that will go a long way in sugar coating my hippie nature and giving me a refined image. I am extremely happy with them, a combination of my purchases and my sister's. She does a far better job in buying my clothes, shoes, accesories, handbags, etc of a feminine nature than I do myself. And then, most importantly, I have a renewed sense of strength and desire to pursue my larger-than-life aspirations.

I'M INVINCIBLE, yes.

Tuesday is over. The week now lies heavier on the lighter side of things. High spirits are gradually declining over the week. Much to be done that NEEDS be done.

Still getting over the nasty aftereffects of the "vacation". The immunity is returning, slow-w-w-l-yyyyy but surely. 3 kilograms of precious fat and scarce muscle protein lost over the last month needs replenishing.

Tired of being tired.

On the road to recovery

A stay-in weekend, batchelor style! No kids, no family, no guilt, no deadlines, no chores, no errands, no instructions, no social committments. Just PERFECT.

The after-effects of medication are distasteful and that is saying little. The expectorant cough syrup the doctor (knowlingly or unknowingly) prescribed triggered attacks of dry cough that kept me up at night for hours, cursing and with thoughts of strangling myself. The antibiotics have ruthlessly massacred all my gut flora. I am counting days to having my immunity back and never will I take good health for granted again.

I've tried strange home remedies of my mother, aunties and even one prescribed by my new Egyptian friend. (Ramses and Tut, being the only names that come to mind now, I think I'll call him Tut for the purpose of the blog. Anyway, modern Egyptians - who smoke, play X-box and go clubbing - are nowhere like the ones described in ancient stories of the Pharoahs, what a disappointment. I have always been amazed by the stories of the great Egyptian civilization and I have all my papyrus wall hangings to prove it.)

Hopefully, this will be the last weekend I'll be whining about this disease.

On to other things, I managed to squeeze one music class this weekend. And what luck! I was the only student so I got 50 minutes of undivided attention. I must say it was a great feeling to hold my violin after nearly a month, and not to mention after 50 minutes of playing, it sounded so crisp and sweet!

It is a relief to be driving on disciplined roads again. Back home, there are no rules that seem to be followed. The driver or the other front passenger NEED NOT wear seat belts, children are free to sit un-buckled in the front, signalling is optional and lane markings are well, just lane markings. People drive with the shutters wide open, inhaling all the polluted exhaust fumes that spew out of old vehicles. Policemen have to manually channel traffic at roundabouts and junctions since there is not much road courtesy. Drivers put their hands out to signal a turn, though they very well know they can lose an arm in the process by an overtaking vehicle! Crazy idiots. Somehow, they seem to be managing fine, with only the occassional accident.

(Crap, crap, the weekend is over.)

Had a warm gush of memories of American history we learnt at school. Not the icky dates and names we were forced to memorise for tests, but the powerful stories that stuck, like Harriet Tubman and the Underground Railroad.

No Shuri, you CAN'T have the X-box Kinect. But your glory days with Dance Central will come, be patient now.

I have just finished all my episodes of "My Name is Earl". I'll miss you, Earl and even you, Joy.

My recently passed out doctor friend prescribed this video to get me through the lousy times. It sure worked better than the cough syrup the older doctor prescribed.

The Tipping Point

What an exhausting day, I have very nearly lost the will to live because of this disease. This chronic cough has left me feeling so weak and dizzy and my abdominal muscles will surely take ages to recover from this soreness.

Not surprisingly, I lost my rational guarded self at work. "What the hell are you doing here Shu, in this desk job?", asked a voice in my head. I suspect that it could have been the lack of oxygen going to the brain.

After work, I had to go and buy a pack of briefs for a family member of mine. Now I didn't think twice about it till I met the sales guy who shot me down with the ugliest stare ever, AS IF I were collecting costumes for my cross-dressing fantasies. Dumbass.

You want a piece of me?? Go ahead. Today, you can take what you like.

As some things end, others begin...

I'm back after a very eventful vacation. Not quite relaxed or in high spirits, as one would expect after a vacation or at the start of a brand new year.

I thought the worst was the shocking news that my sister and nephew had a narrow escape on a flight that caught fire 30 minutes into their journey on the day we left for home. While we waited for her to land in my home country 5 hours after my flight, we had no idea of the ordeal she went through till much later. To our relief, she arrived safely with junior 10 hours later. She tells me that the experience was the closest to death she ever felt.

In the following days, two of our close relatives passed away. None of the news shocked me or moved me. The day after the funeral of one, we heard of the passing away of my grandfather. At the time, I was suffering from a bad case of the flu and I was getting ready to leave home as my vacation was nearly over so I was not able to "pay my final respects" to him by making the 7-hour drive to his home-town. I also happen to believe that it is a pointless tradition to pay respects to the dead at a funeral with your attendance, unless it is to support the ones left behind during this trying time. I was not even sad or feeling homesick to leave home, as everyone's minds were preoccupied with other issues. Only now that I have settled back here with 2 days of sick leave to rest (for acute bronchitis, as the doctor put it), I can feel the emotions associated with the loss and fond memories of my grandfather returning. His pleasant toothless smile as he rolled his eyes to recall facts and his customary white suit are what stuck with me as the strongest mental images of him.

Life can be so temporary, and yet we strive to live like immortals.